How to get a girlfriend:
- Go up to her and say, “Before I met you, the sun was like a yellow grape, but now it looks like fire in the sky. Why? Because you light a fire inside me.”
- Nickname her “Dandelion”
- Tell her you’d throw your pie for her, and then proceed to do so, in a violent manner, toward a fellow near said conquest.
and whatever you do, DO NOT piss on the floor of her shared bunk while she sleeps
dont you dare think
for even a second
that nobody saw you
when you decided this waS AN ACCEPTABLE WAY TO PARK YOUR VEHICLE BECAUSE I SAW IT OKAY I FUCKING SAW IT YOUR CRAPPY PARKING JOB IS ON GOOGLE MAPS IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE WORLD
how did you find this
"The bracelet is infused with elements sourced from the highest and lowest points on Earth. The white ball, carrying water from Mt. Everest, and the black ball, holding mud from the Dead Sea, exist on opposite ends. A string of clear beads link the two, signifying that throughout life’s circular journey, your path is your own."
- if you are a vegan
- tell me and i will never serve you meat and/or try to question you about it
- but if you ever
- tell me that im a killer
- or try to make me feel bad
- for eating meat
ok but consider this: you should feel bad.
ok but consider this: i WILL eat you